LOL!!!! I was terrible at writing in my diary. Literally….every time I had one it would start out like this…..
This time I’m going to be really good about writing in you every day!!!!
Well…..I guess I wasn’t as good as I wanted.
Then a year later…..
Ok, I’m starting over and THIS time I’m going to be really good.
then……well, usually I’d buy a new one and start the whole thing over again! HA!!!! I even had a super amazing Lisa Frank diary….with a lock 😉 and I was just a bit dramatic back then….of course I’m more sensible now!
So life has been a little crazy the past few months. The end of the school year, house projects, super busy self employed hubby, and life in general. I can’t lie and say I didn’t enjoy ignoring my blog for a while….it took off a bit of the pressure I was feeling. Sometimes life just gets overwhelming and you need to cut some things, or put them on pause, so you can feel a little bit of the weight lifted. I’ve had some interesting things happen and I can’t wait to start writing about them and getting back to this! Forgive me for being MIA 😉
This time…..I will be better!!! HAHA!!!
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m obsessed with The Office. This scene is from the finale and it gets me every time. It’s so true…..we always look to the past and wish we could go back.
This past month has been one that reminds me of how important it is to live in the moment…to realize what you have before it’s in the past. Turning 40 was a big deal. I had mixed emotions about it…..it feels old but I’m also so grateful to have reached this age! I’ve seen levels of support from people that just amazes me, and makes me feel so extremely blessed. I was surrounded by so much love at the surprise party my husband and close friends put together to celebrate my birthday. I mean really…..seeing all the people there that mean so much to me and knowing they feel the same…..it was just overwhelming! And being a finalist in a contest and seeing all my friends and family voting like crazy….just wow! WOW!!!!
I’ve always been a person who tends to live in the past. Remembering things that happened, wondering what life would be like if I had changed something. Wishing I could go back and relive something. Feeling nostalgic over music or items. But I watched this episode of The Office recently, and heard this song on the radio that really put this on my heart:
Sometimes we focus too much on the past or the future. We don’t live enough in the moment….but I’ve been sitting here lately just feeling every day how amazing life is. And how blessed I am…. Life can be so amazing if we change our focus!
Thank you again to every single person who has been there for me. I have laughed and loved more this year than I thought was possible! I have several circles in my life….and love each one so much!
Sitting here in the final hour of my 40th birthday…..I’m just so extremely grateful. This was not an age I was overly excited about…..it seemed like such an old age when I was younger…..an age I thought would take forever to reach…..yet hear I am. I thought I would dread it….each day getting closer. But I’m ok…..and this is why.
I shouldn’t be here. Plain and simple. I had an aggressive horrible disease that almost killed me. Almost 16 years ago. It’s just crazy to think that I really was so close to dying…looking back on it now. I fought so damn hard, and today…..I get to celebrate another birthday.
I can’t complain about my age, there are people who never make it here. I’m so thankful for this amazing day. 40. Yikes!!! It’s still crazy to think……but it’s such a wonderful age!
This was the best one yet. My incredible husband and amazing friends have been lying to me for weeks…..and pulled off an epic surprise birthday party! I’m telling you….it’s not easy to pull one over on me, and they did it! I have never felt so loved.
This room was filled!!!!! Overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe it! Life long friends. Family. People I met because of cancer…..and after. I’m such a blessed person…..and so very thankful I’m here to celebrate another year!!! And as a dear friend told me today….40 is a gift!
Yesterday I gathered with a group of people I consider family as we supported our friend at the memorial service for his son. This is no ordinary group of people…..but co-workers who learned to lean on each other through all the good and bad times in our lives.
I worked for 13 years at the State of Michigan as a case worker. I processed applications for food assistance, Medicaid, disability, and emergency services. I handled caseloads much higher than I should have, and I came home most days exhausted and emotionally spent. 13 years of hearing people at their worst. Most of the time I was yelled at by clients and/or managers. I was cussed out, threatened, begged, and hardly ever thanked. It was the best and worst job I ever had….something I had hoped would be my life long career…..but that wasn’t meant to be.
The relationships I made during my time there are still strong. We are the only people who understand what we went through on a daily basis. We went through hell together. We went through milestones together. We laughed to try to forget how hard the days were. We saw each other be treated like machines rather than people. And we always supported each other. These people became my family. And even though I’m no longer there, our bond is still that strong. A place like that changes you, it makes you different, and no one else understands that.
As we all sat together and cried as our friend expressed his love for his only son in front of a crowded church…..I was reminded of our deep bond. I cried for him and his loss….and I felt that loss. This was a person I called my work husband. He is truly an amazing person, someone you can always count on, and it broke my heart to see his pain. As I hugged him afterwards….many times….it was like no time had passed…..even though a million things have happened since I last saw him. But people like this…..time doesn’t change how we are together.
Ironically…..today is the anniversary of the day that I started that job. January 13, 2003. 16 years ago today I started a job that would lead me to people I cannot live without. No matter the outcome of that job…..I will forever be grateful for that. And they all feel the same way….we need each other. Time or distance will never change that bond.
I am beyond thrilled to have my story featured on the Love What Matters website!!! A chance for my story to be spread further in hopes of reaching anyone who may need to see it! Check it out! I’m so excited!!!!
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