I Don’t Hide My Scars….Anymore

I’ve lived my whole life with scars.  Well…..since I was almost a year old, but since I have no memory of that time, I say my whole life.  I’ve told this story more since I went through the cancer thing because it was the time I really started embracing my scars and not caring what people thought. 

I was about 11 months old…..I don’t remember the exact date, obviously, but I was young. I was doing the baby walking thing…..holding on to surfaces to keep myself up, probably grabbing things off of those surfaces and making a mess.  I have 3 kids, I know I was probably the same!  My parents had boiled water for some reason…..I don’t know the reason, just that they did.  I bet you know where this is going……and yes.  I pulled that boiling water all over myself.  I can only imagine the flurry of panic in my house at that moment.  I’ve been told that they were able to get some cold water to my face, which prevented any scarring…..but other parts of me were not so lucky. I had a long recovery time, and spent my life with visible scars. 

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As a young kid, I didn’t care much about them.  As I was in school…..that’s when the fun started.  Being called Freddy Krueger….made fun of…..teased…..it was always.  And the constant stares.  When someone is talking to you and their eyes dart from your eyes to your scar.  I mean, come on people!  You think we can’t see you when you do that???? 

I started from an early age covering my scars and never letting anyone see them.  Even close friends.  It was too hard, and sometimes too much of a conversation I just didn’t want to have. 

When I was diagnosed with cancer and went through all the surgery and treatment, I added to my collection of scars and body issues.  I even had my wedding dress altered to create some kind of sleeve to cover it. 

But something happened over the years…..I started to care less.  Maybe it came with age and maturity, but I started to go out with tank tops.  Doesn’t sound like a big deal, does it?  BUT IT WAS!!!!!  My arms were free! LOL! I covered myself all the time, there was freedom in revealing to the world what I’ve been through.  I started a slow process of accepting my scars, and even embracing them! I started buying things knowing my scars would be seen.  I’ve gotten a little better at ignoring the eye darting during conversations.  I’ve become so much better at just answering people’s questions about what happened.  Life has become a little more freeing….and it’s so much better.

They say that your scars show you what you have been through that didn’t kill you.  They are evidence of a life lived to it’s fullest and you are still here….showing the world you can’t be stopped.  It’s sad that I came to this realization so much later in life…..but it’s my hope that I can teach my girls to embrace what they go through to help make them stronger and ready to conquer the world. 

Life has been so much fun since I stopped caring. There is freedom in accepting what life has thrown at you and using it to help yourself grow and move forward.  That doesn’t mean I still don’t have  bad days, but overall, I’m happy!  I’m actually considering tattooing the scar on my shoulder to represent all the things I love in my life.  Not sure yet…..but know…..it’s in no way so that I can cover them up and make life easier.  Life became easier once I accepted and embraced that this is me……and it’s all good.

Katie 🙂

Birthday Breasties!

39 years ago my partner in crime, life, and all things breast cancer was born.  It took us years to truly find each other, even though our lives have been intertwined through it all.  Our dads grew up together…..and it’s always funny to me that I’m sure at some point her dad arrested mine….very likely happened…..and that is a story for some other blog.  We ended up in grade school together, somehow ended up working together at the same place for years.  For a long time that was it….just being in the same places at the same time, but never really interacting.  We knew each other, we were friendly…..but that was about it.  Until one day in 2012.

I remember it well….I had a newborn and was at my daughter’s preschool Christmas party.  I got a phone call from a number I wasn’t familiar with.  Something told me to answer it anyway.  It was Jamie…..and she was calling to tell me she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.  And it shook me.  People were coming to me throughout the years about concerns they had, family members or friends who were possibly facing it, but this one really got to me.  And people knew that I was very open about hearing from anyone who had questions or concerns.  And she knew to call me…..and it started something that just cannot be stopped.  We grew closer as she fought, had ups and downs, and now is at my side in a battle to rid the world of this evil disease.

The way we are now makes me wonder how on earth we didn’t truly find each other earlier  We are both dorks….the weirdest people you’ll meet.  We are silly, crazy, and laugh at everything.  We both faced a horrible disease and used our experience to reach other people.  At that time in December 2012 she needed me…..but I didn’t realize I needed her too.  She’s challenged me to be the person I am now.  She has taken me WAY out of my comfort zone and I’m truly grateful for her influence in my life.

But it’s more than that…..we are true friends and sisters.  I don’t know how many times we talk in a day, but sometimes it doesn’t seem like enough times.  We get each other, understand what we are both going through in life after cancer.  Not many people understand it, and I’m so thankful I have someone in my life that does, that I can call a friend.

A breast friend.  Breastie.  BFF.  Pink sister.  We’ve said them all…..and on her birthday…..I’m just so thankful she’s here living life with me.  No matter what we do.  Crazy conversations,  roaming through stores, laughing on the phone, going to galas, supporting each other, and just being there.  I’m so freaking blessed.

And now I’m going to share something I never thought I would.  This is a true example of her pulling me out of my comfort zone.  She has no fear, and I’m getting there.  Everyone has seen her picture….the one with her painted chest.  Not many people know that I was there that day but my current job prevented me from sharing it.  And I also looked horrible….no matter what she says 😉  I was painted by the amazing Jenni Bush and my pictures were taken by the talented Olivia Kohler.  And the pic is small….baby steps…..but this is a glimpse of the shenanigans we get in to together. The other pictures are mostly selfies….and we take a lot.  One thing we learned together….we can’t have enough pictures together ❤

Happy Birthday my breastie bff Jamie!!!  I’m proud and honored to be your friend….and so very thankful to have you in my life 🙂

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Katie 🙂