I was sitting at my daughter’s soccer game a couple of weeks ago, enjoying the cooler air and the kids running up and down the field. This is my favorite time of year…..I enjoy just about everything about it. As I was watching though….a familiar smell caught my attention. It was cologne, one of the dads was wearing. I was immediately taken back to the time of my cancer treatment….in the fall of 2003. My husband wore the same cologne…..and now the smell makes me sick. And even though I love the fall…..sometimes the feel of fall brings on all the ways I felt during that time.
I remember the way the leaves would dance across the road as I drove to my treatments. I remember the feel of the cool crisp air as I would walk in to the office. I remember the smells of the chemicals and treatments around me as I sat in my recliner receiving poisons in to my body. I remember the dark and moody clouds on Saturday mornings when I had to be driven back to get my Neulasta shot. I remember feeling sick as death as my fiance would get ready to leave for work….and put on that cologne. All of those smells, sights, and feelings bring it all back. It makes me sad that I can’t just enjoy this time of year. I don’t feel it every day, but there are times when the memories hit me and I can close my eyes and be back there!
Every. Single Year. No matter what, or how long it’s been…….it always comes back. I’m thankful to be out of it…..but those feelings will always linger. It hangs over my head. I can’t walk in to any medical facility without getting a touch of upset stomach and flashbacks. I will still enjoy my hats and sweaters, coffee on the beach, and beautiful fall colors…..and I will reflect on all I’ve been through that has made me who I am now.
Almost 2 years ago I started a whole new adventure. I left my job of 13 years and started working with Komen Michigan…..my dream of helping other people affected by breast cancer. That job took up so much of my time, I had to put my other love on hold….taking pictures. Photography has always been my outlet…..my escape. I love waiting for, and capturing the perfect shot. I love exploring and sharing beautiful images with other people. I’ve always loved it and found it to be a way to handle life without drinking 😉
I tried so hard to keep up on family and wedding photography while spending all my nights and weekends traveling around the state like a mad woman. I finally had to make the choice to put it all on hold for a bit…..possibly a while. When I left Komen last year to be home more with my kids I figured I could step back in to it. Crippling migraines and reality made me realize that time was still an issue, and I just couldn’t justify the time away or the time spent editing quite yet.
My jump back in has been very small. I’ve had some very loyal people keep asking….but my confidence has been lacking. My first major “job” was with the ever amazing Taylor Winnell…..her mom and I are great friends, and Taylor is going to be a famous country singer some day. I’ve taken tons of pictures of her, even for her cd release a while ago. I couldn’t resist getting back with her and the feeling I got was just what I needed. She is beautiful and we get along so great…..it was amazing having that again!
This past weekend I had the AMAZING opportunity to take the wedding photos of my sister Amber. Now…..Amber is my sister by heart…..but I love her to death and it was such an honor to be asked. Amber is one of those people who is genuinely the nicest person you will ever meet. She has a heart of gold and has become a huge part of our family. My daughters love her, and they were asked to be flower girls 🙂 She moved to Utah for a job a while ago, so this is where she got married. I can’t even begin to describe how beautiful it was, and getting the chance to take wedding photos there? Yes…..I felt like a kid in a candy store!
It was the push I needed….I felt so comfortable behind the lens again. I will never put myself up there with the photographers I admire……but no matter what….this is what I LOVE to do. Good or bad….it’s where my heart it. This is also the reason for the “lens” in Rosy LENS Life 😉 A little pink, a little photo, and a lot about loving life.
Also…..a huge congratulations to the amazing Ben and Amber Toomer. They are beautiful together and I’m so excited to see what they do in life together!