Lift Each Other Up!

Women…..can be terrible.  We all know it.  Catty, jealous, mean, and sucky people.  It’s terrible to see….and I think to a point we are all guilty of it.  Whether you admit it or not…..to some degree….we all wish we could have what someone else has.  Have their lives, their successes, their looks, their drive, their everything.  We all look at each other and wish we had it…..and never look at what we do have….the thing other women are seeing in you.

I’m guilty of it.  Why can’t I be prettier, skinnier, more successful, more popular, have a clean house?  I have my faults….and that is what I see first in other people…..they have what I’m lacking.  Some people cannot get past that and want to drag that person down…make them lose so they can feel like a winner.  Women are terrible about that.

They can also be extremely supportive.  When you have people in your circle that love you, they want you to succeed no matter what.  They don’t sit at home wishing they were you….they celebrate by your side!  They cheer and tell the world how awesome you are!  I have been blessed with some AMAZING women in my life…..and today I want to talk about 3 of them that have not only blessed my life, inspired me to try harder.  They have done amazing thing…..truly amazing.  I have to say….they are nothing short of extraordinary.

Jamie

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This woman literally walked in New York Fashion Week!  I’ve known Jamie since the 5th grade.  We’ve known each other most of our lives, our families have somehow been involved over the years, and eventually we moved to the same city, working at the same place.  We weren’t close….but knew each other.  Until the day Jamie called me out of the blue to tell me she had breast cancer.  She knew I had gone through it years before and she needed to reach out to anyone who understood.  Our friendship grew from that day in to something amazing.  She is my sister….we get each other.  We are dorks, and it’s awesome.  She took what life handed her and turned it around.  She started her own company of natural products.  She sells to celebrities.  She puts herself out there with complete vulnerability and helps anyone who needs it. She supports, cheers, and lifts.  She is beautiful inside and out, and you can’t go wrong with her in your corner.  It would be easy to hate her….I mean…look at her!  She’s literally perfect.  Sometimes I feel horrible walking around with her.  But those are the demons getting to you, you know?  She is my best friend, pink sister, dorky partner in crime…..and I’m so extremely lucky to have her.

 

Amanda

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Amanda is a force to be reckoned with.  She is one of the most determined girls I have ever met.  She is quite literally the storm.  She was diagnosed with breast cancer at the same age I was….many years later.  She is like a little sister…..but I would never have wished this life for her.  She has since gone through 4 cancer reoccurances….and is metastatic.  Yet you would never know if you met her today.  She is the strongest person….she does not give up.  She takes care of her girls with energy that I don’t even have, and I’m not in any treatment!  She started a non-profit that brings joy to children going through cancer and life threatening illnesses at children’s hospitals….and was just recognized locally as a pay it forward person of the year.  She always finds a way to help another person, and you will never see her leave the house without looking like a freaking model.  I’m in relatively good health and I can’t find the energy to accomplish what she does…..and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous of that determination! She is truly amazing and my life is better with her in it!

 

Denise

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Denise.  This is a hard one.  The day we lost Denise was the day something awoke in me….a fire that I’m sure she had been trying to start.  She was our local celebrity and champion for everything breast cancer.  She wanted everyone to have support, encouragement, needs met, and every medical option available.  She never slept….she was always putting events together, getting people to support them, and telling the world about them.  She was a strong personality and everyone felt important when she was talking to them.  I wanted to know her for so long….and when we met, it was life changing.  I became involved….she wouldn’t let me sit on the sidelines.  She succeeded in everything she set her mind to and the world is a little darker without her in it.  She is literally one of those woman you don’t want to like.  She had everything….but she welcomed everyone in to her circle.  She is the reason that I have done anything over the last few years….she knew what it was to push people to jump…..and succeed.  I miss her terribly….and I’m thankful for her guidance, encouragement, and friendship.

 

These women all had something in common…..a disease that changed our lives.  We had things all figured out, and cancer came along and shook us up.  It would have been easier to let it take over and make us feel weaker.  We took the opportunity to make ourselves stronger…..but it wouldn’t have been possible without the support of our women……and these are just 3 of the amazing women I get to call friend and have seen do amazing things.  It would also be easy for me to sit back and wonder why it’s not me?  Those thoughts do creep in….I really don’t think anyone out there can say it doesn’t happen once in a while…..but I have my own things.  And when I do something….they are there to cheer for me, like I am for them.

We need more of that, don’t we?  Let’s celebrate the things the women in our lives do…build each other up, and be happy.

Katie

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Love What Matters!

I am beyond thrilled to have my story featured on the Love What Matters website!!!  A chance for my story to be spread further in hopes of reaching anyone who may need to see it!  Check it out!  I’m so excited!!!!

Love What Matters

Katie 🙂

Are You Thankful?

Now….I didn’t ask what you are thankful for…..I was very specific with my question.  Are you actually thankful?

Anyone who has gone through hard times will tell you that it’s not easy to find a reason to be thankful when you are in the moment.  The difficulty you are facing is what consumes your every thought and feeling…..but even in those horrible times, there are reasons to be thankful.

Was I thankful that I went through cancer?  No.  Thankful that I had to go through aggressive treatments that nearly killed me?  No.  Thankful that I’m still living with the effects of cancer treatments today? No.  But I’m here.  And let me tell you, I am thankful for that.  And looking back……I’m thankful for so many other things.

I’m thankful for friends and family that never turned their back on me.  I’m thankful for medical professionals that worked tirelessly to save my life.  I’m thankful that I grew as a person through one of the hardest times of my life.  I’m thankful for the opportunities that have come my way and the friends I have made because of my journey.  I’m thankful.

I know what you are thinking….it’s easy to look back and say you can be thankful, because you are no longer in it.  I know.  You are absolutely right.  We go through horrible awful times….and this post isn’t trying to take away from that.  When we are broken, down, out, defeated, and just done……you don’t want some happy person coming along telling you to count your blessings.  I’ve had those people, and I want to throat punch them.  Everyone gets to have their feelings.  You can sit in them and feel them….but you do have to come out.  That is when you look around you and find at least one thing to be thankful for.  That one thing will keep you going and get you started.

Life is really sucky right now.  Maybe it’s that time of year….or maybe sucky things are just happening all around me right now.  People I love are going through awful things.  People are losing their lives.  People are being diagnosed with diseases that can kill them.  People are facing hardships that can crush them.  I feel it.  I am too.  And it’s so much easier to sink in to my broken heart and stay there.  I’ve been trying every single day to be thankful.  Some days I don’t.  Some days I just can’t.

But I am thankful.  I have a beautiful family, and they are all safe and healthy.  I have food to feed them and a house to keep them in.  I have friends that are like family.  They lift me up when I’m falling.  Right now I have my health, migraines be damned!

I’m no Mary Sunshine….but finding at least one thing to be thankful for while you are going through hell can sometimes give you a glimmer of hope.  And that glimmer is what you go toward to get yourself out of it.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving, where ever you may go.

Katie 🙂

Those Same Old Feelings….

I was sitting at my daughter’s soccer game a couple of weeks ago, enjoying the cooler air and the kids running up and down the field.  This is my favorite time of year…..I enjoy just about everything about it.  As I was watching though….a familiar smell caught my attention.  It was cologne, one of the dads was wearing.  I was immediately taken back to the time of my cancer treatment….in the fall of 2003.  My husband wore the same cologne…..and now the smell makes me sick.  And even though I love the fall…..sometimes the feel of fall brings on all the ways I felt during that time.

I remember the way the leaves would dance across the road as I drove to my treatments.  I remember the feel of the cool crisp air as I would walk in to the office.  I remember the smells of the chemicals and treatments around me as I sat in my recliner receiving poisons in to my body.  I remember the dark and moody clouds on Saturday mornings when I had to be driven back to get my Neulasta shot.  I remember feeling sick as death as my fiance would get ready to leave for work….and put on that cologne.  All of those smells, sights, and feelings bring it all back.  It makes me sad that I can’t just enjoy this time of year.  I don’t feel it every day, but there are times when the memories hit me and I can close my eyes and be back there!

Every.   Single   Year.  No matter what, or how long it’s been…….it always comes back.  I’m thankful to be out of it…..but those feelings will always linger.  It hangs over my head.  I can’t walk in to any medical facility without getting a touch of upset stomach and flashbacks.  I will still enjoy my hats and sweaters, coffee on the beach, and beautiful fall colors…..and I will reflect on all I’ve been through that has made me who I am now.

 

Katie

I Don’t Hide My Scars….Anymore

I’ve lived my whole life with scars.  Well…..since I was almost a year old, but since I have no memory of that time, I say my whole life.  I’ve told this story more since I went through the cancer thing because it was the time I really started embracing my scars and not caring what people thought. 

I was about 11 months old…..I don’t remember the exact date, obviously, but I was young. I was doing the baby walking thing…..holding on to surfaces to keep myself up, probably grabbing things off of those surfaces and making a mess.  I have 3 kids, I know I was probably the same!  My parents had boiled water for some reason…..I don’t know the reason, just that they did.  I bet you know where this is going……and yes.  I pulled that boiling water all over myself.  I can only imagine the flurry of panic in my house at that moment.  I’ve been told that they were able to get some cold water to my face, which prevented any scarring…..but other parts of me were not so lucky. I had a long recovery time, and spent my life with visible scars. 

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As a young kid, I didn’t care much about them.  As I was in school…..that’s when the fun started.  Being called Freddy Krueger….made fun of…..teased…..it was always.  And the constant stares.  When someone is talking to you and their eyes dart from your eyes to your scar.  I mean, come on people!  You think we can’t see you when you do that???? 

I started from an early age covering my scars and never letting anyone see them.  Even close friends.  It was too hard, and sometimes too much of a conversation I just didn’t want to have. 

When I was diagnosed with cancer and went through all the surgery and treatment, I added to my collection of scars and body issues.  I even had my wedding dress altered to create some kind of sleeve to cover it. 

But something happened over the years…..I started to care less.  Maybe it came with age and maturity, but I started to go out with tank tops.  Doesn’t sound like a big deal, does it?  BUT IT WAS!!!!!  My arms were free! LOL! I covered myself all the time, there was freedom in revealing to the world what I’ve been through.  I started a slow process of accepting my scars, and even embracing them! I started buying things knowing my scars would be seen.  I’ve gotten a little better at ignoring the eye darting during conversations.  I’ve become so much better at just answering people’s questions about what happened.  Life has become a little more freeing….and it’s so much better.

They say that your scars show you what you have been through that didn’t kill you.  They are evidence of a life lived to it’s fullest and you are still here….showing the world you can’t be stopped.  It’s sad that I came to this realization so much later in life…..but it’s my hope that I can teach my girls to embrace what they go through to help make them stronger and ready to conquer the world. 

Life has been so much fun since I stopped caring. There is freedom in accepting what life has thrown at you and using it to help yourself grow and move forward.  That doesn’t mean I still don’t have  bad days, but overall, I’m happy!  I’m actually considering tattooing the scar on my shoulder to represent all the things I love in my life.  Not sure yet…..but know…..it’s in no way so that I can cover them up and make life easier.  Life became easier once I accepted and embraced that this is me……and it’s all good.

Katie 🙂