I’ve started so many blog ideas the past couple of weeks….different ideas, situations, themes. I wanted to find something perfect and inspirational to write about. What if I don’t want to be inspirational this time? Sometimes life is just……blah.
And that is my life this week. About 5 days ago I came down with shingles. Not my first time, probably won’t be my last. I’ve had shingles in varying levels of awful, but this time….it knocked me down. My entire left arm, left side of my back and chest….all the areas affected by radiation and cancer. This is not a pain or experience I would wish on anyone. It’s awful. I was forced to rest, which sounds amazing, but there is only so much resting your body can take! Fevers came, my appetite left, and of course I became dehydrated. Today…..I’m just ok. I’ll probably need a nap after this, which makes me feel sad and want to laugh at the same time.
This is just one of the many things I have to deal with after cancer. I hate that. Didn’t I go through enough? Sometimes it just gets so frustrating….and I try to be positive, but times like this bring the negativity to the surface. And anyone can say you deserve to have your bad and negative days, but that helps nothing. I mentioned to my husband that I feel like something is always going on with me now. I used to be so strong and healthy, and now it feels like I can’t get through a month without something going wrong.
Some days….I think it’s ok just to be really pissed about what cancer did to you. You can’t live there……but you get to have that. And today…..I’m just really pissed.