And if you are anything like my husband, you said that like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He’s said that to me so many times over the years….and it is pretty funny, but brings to light a problem many people have after going through cancer. Is it a tumor? Is the cancer back?
I’ve had countless health scares over the last decade. I’ve had all cancers, and many other diseases based on my own self diagnosis and a little help from WebMD. Every little thing is a symptom to something horrible.
You really think that after you are done with treatment and given a clean bill of health, that life will be just dandy. Hair grows back, appetite returns, you have free time again, and life is great. Except….you are now in another part of the cancer treatment journey….the real recovery. Life is no longer normal. You’ve gone through something that has completely changed your life and how you view life. You find yourself grateful to be alive, scared to die, guilty that others didn’t make it, paranoid about disease return, anxious about everything.
Most recently, I started experiencing migraines. They got worse over the summer, and instead of being rational and realizing they were most likely migraines….I went to brain tumor. To the point that I was already planning the videos and letters I would create to leave my girls. I finally got in to the doctor and actually voiced those concerns. Being the rational thinker she is, she suggested we actually treat for the migraines first….since all the symptoms pointed to migraines. Not tumors. I was reluctant to let this much time pass….but agreed. And guess what? Yeah…migraines. Still unsure why or what is triggering them, but just migraines. And it is sometimes funny to think that people jump to such extreme conclusions….but it’s also a reality we face. We are programmed to be aware of every little thing, especially during treatment, in case it’s a symptom of something more serious. We are told all the side affects of our treatments, given stats on our mortality, and after all is over, sent on our merry ways. But life isn’t just back to normal after you get your “done with chemo” certificate. You are facing a new reality, and sometimes it’s really difficult.
I’ve always thought that I must have gone through all of this, and continue to go through it, for a reason. Maybe the biggest reason is to show other people they aren’t alone. In all their crazy, anxiety, depression, guilt, fear, and worry. You are not the only person to experience it….and I’m one of many that are always willing to go through it with you.
Now I’m sure that most of my little medical issues are not tumors, or cancer returning, but I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering. And maybe I am a little bit crazy…..but I’ve always been a little bit crazy! And next time I have a cold and complain to my husband, I’m fully prepared to hear him say…..