This won’t be about my breast cancer journey, but it’s still a significant part of my life, and it’s on my mind today. So I’m sharing.
27 years ago today, my baby sister passed away. She was a couple of weeks from her first birthday, I was in 5th grade. It was awful. I had dreamed of having a sister….dreamed of all the amazing things we would do together as sisters…..and it was all snatched away on one horrible day.
I remember the day vividly. I remember that it was a half day, that my mom picked me up from school and broke the news, that we got to ride around in the pastor’s GTO, that we had to pick up my brother next, that I was fine until I went next door to tell my neighbors, that my mom still had to wait to tell my dad, that all my relatives started showing up, that my sister was gone. Just like that…..just gone.
I grew up envious of all my friends that had sisters. I watched their relationships, their friendships. I was so envious. It wasn’t fair……just so unfair.
And now here we are…..27 years later. We didn’t have any of what I had dreamed. I can barely remember what she looked like without the help of pictures. I definitely don’t remember what she sounded like. Her death affected me more than I knew. I can’t wear lipstick without remembering how she looked at her funeral…so made up. It bothers me. I was so scared when each of my girls hit that age…..every little cough, sneeze, anything…..I was rushing them to the doctor. I also take soooooo many pictures. I remember my mom frantically looking through every picture we had to find any of her….and how few we had. I may go overboard, but I know it’s because I’m so afraid I just won’t have enough.
But I was also so blessed!!! I had a few short months of absolute bliss! I remember how proud I was to have a sister. How much I loved to show her off. I remember when she started walking! And I have a great appreciation for my girls…..and seeing them grow up together. I was so happy to have a houseful of girls. It’s almost like I’m getting some of what I lost.
Every year at this time I think deeply about her. What could have been. What happened that day. What happened leading up to that day. Obviously nothing can be changed, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. It will happen again in a couple of weeks on what would have been her birthday. It’s a hard time of year, as anyone knows, those anniversaries are just so hard.
I will share some of my favorite pictures of my sister. I’m so grateful to have them….even if they are a few!
Miss you always Becky!